


Puppy Tails - Rampant Rabbit

by Aurora_bee



Series: Puppy tails [23]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Sex Toys, Sexual Content, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-25
Updated: 2012-05-25
Packaged: 2017-11-05 23:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/412214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_bee/pseuds/Aurora_bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock visits a sex shop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Puppy Tails - Rampant Rabbit

It had been an exceptionally strange day. Sherlock had found himself at a crime scene, with a serious lack of knowledge about a subject. Something that never happened to him. He’d given Lestrade an excuse about an experiment he had to attend to and excused himself.

Now he found himself in the Ann Summers shop in Marble Arch. The ‘things’ came in a wide range of colours, shapes and textures. It was all rather disconcerting. Why were there so many different types? A young girl came over to him.

“Can I help you sir?” She smiled.

“Probably not.” He replied “But try if you wish.” The assistant frowned.

“What exactly do you want? Something for you? We have a range of male cock sleeves.” Sherlock raised an eyebrow.

“Not really my area.”

“Oh, for your girlfriend then?” Sherlock nodded, the murder victim and owner of the sex toys was a woman after all. “What does she like?”

“Crap telly.” He thought about the only person he cared about, John.

“I mean sexually.” Said the girl who was smiling now. Sherlock had to think for a moment.

“She watches pornography a lot.” The girl looked surprised.

“Ok then I assume she like’s to touch herself while she does that.” Sherlock tried not to think about John touching himself it always gave him an odd sensation in the pit of his stomach.

“I imagine so.” He replied, the girl picked up what looked like a pink lipstick.

“This is a discrete clitoral vibrator. This one’s pretty good, it has variable speeds, but we do have others which she might like.” She started to Show Sherlock a range of clitoral stimulators. 

“Actually I was thinking about one of these.” Sherlock picked up a red ‘U’ shaped thing.

“That’s a prostrate massager sir.” Sherlock turned in over in his hand.

“Brilliant!” He hugged the girl, she stood back startled.

“Anything else I can help you with sir?”

 

John was updating his blog on his laptop when Sherlock flounced in.

“Solved the case then Sherlock?” John didn’t look up as Sherlock sat on his chair.

“Yes. I just spoke to Lestrade. She had a bisexual male lover, he was having an affair with a man. She found out and was going to out them, and her lover killed her. All rather boring really. ” Sherlock rustled through a paper bag. Gladstone wondered over for a sniff. John continued writing until he heard a buzzing noise. He looked over in Sherlock’s direction.

“What have you got there?” He got up walked over to his chair and sat down. What he saw nearly made his eyes pop out if his head. Blushing he looked at the pink thing Sherlock was holding.

“Uhm.. Is that a vibrator Sherlock? Sherlock looked at John using his long fingers to caress the vibrant pink silicone shaft.

“It’s called a Rampant Rabbit John. I have been reliably informed that this is more than just a vibrator.” Sherlock paused looking at the thing in his hands. “It intrigues me.” John looked at the thing properly. Aside from the obvious phallus it had another smaller shaft with a rabbit head and ears. To be honest he was quite intrigued himself. He knelt down in front of Sherlock.

“So what’s the bunny bit for?” Sherlock pressed a button and the ears started to move too fast for him to see.

“I’ve no idea John.” John ran his fingers over the ears it tickled.

“Oh..” Sherlock raised an eyebrow questioningly. “It’s for you know.. That special place on a girl.” Sherlock looked confused.

“A woman has a special place?” John rolled his eyes.

“Uhm…” Oh god he thought, was he going to have to tell Sherlock the facts of life. Sherlock couldn’t keep a straight face, he roared with laughter, tears seeping from his eyes.

“You really do think I’m naive don’t you. The word you are looking for is clitoris.” John smiled at Sherlock.

“Git.” Sherlock pressed another button and the shaft started to rotate. Little metal balls pressing against the material getting faster and faster as Sherlock pressed again. He almost dropped it, as John stared mouth gaping. “I’m never going to get a girlfriend again. That thing is amazing! I’ve got no chance.”

“What do you need a girlfriend for anyway?” Sherlock closed his hand around the shaft. “Internet porn seems to do the job for you.” John swallowed hard, watching the thing in Sherlock’s hand, the way his knuckles moved. He realised he hadn’t heard what Sherlock said.

“So what else did you buy in this sex shop place?” John looked in the bag. There were cleaning wipes, lube, batteries and another 2 boxes. John pulled out one of the boxes.

“What the hell is a Monkey Spanker?” John was starting to wonder if he should have paid a visit to a sex shop years ago. He read the instructions. 

_Insert your penis through the hole in the centre of the disc (after applying a liberal amount of lube), engage the vibrating bullet, and then stroke it up and down for an incredible, almost unbearably pleasurable sensation._

“Ohhhhhh.. Uhm it’s a bloke’s uhm vibrator.” Sherlock nodded.

“Are you going to try it?” John asked. Sherlock huffed.

“I bought that for you.” John rolled his eyes.

“Why? Why don’t you try it? Oh and you’re not trying that ‘body is transport line’ again because I know you masturbate too.” John was annoyed and red in the face now.

“I turned the chair around when I did that I thought you didn’t notice. You seemed rather preoccupied with the paper.” Sherlock replied hastily. Now John was feeling a little warm under the collar.

“You masturbated, while I was conscious, and in the same room!!!!!” Sherlock smirked.

“Oh you weren’t talking about that instance.” John thought he might pass out and fumbled to undo the collar of his shirt. Things were definitely getting a little uncomfortable in his pants now too. He reached into the bag to pull out the last box. A black ‘U’ shaped thing this time, he read the instructions.

_The Bad Boy, like all of the Rocks Off prostate massagers, is designed to be used hands-free, at least to some extent. Basically, you slowly insert it (and don't forget to grab some water-based lube on your way to the checkout), wait until it's comfortable, hit the 'on' button, and then just rock back and forth on it. You'll quickly build up to a breath-taking and prolonged orgasm._

“Seriously Sherlock I am not sticking this thing up my ass.” Sherlock plucked the box out of his hands.

“That one’s mine.” John stared at Sherlock as he took batteries and lube out of his bag and headed toward his room. Was that a playful sway in his step? Sherlock turned and smiled as he closed his bedroom door.

John looked down at his Monkey Spanker. How did it work again?

**Author's Note:**

> Rampant Rabbit in the story can be found here: http://www.annsummers.com/p/Rampant-Rabbit-The-Little-Slim-One/07SCNRAS1081041
> 
> And so can the Monkey Spanker and Rocks Off Bad Boy Prostate Massager ;)


End file.
